MonsterDating: The App
If I could rate MonsterDating with 0 stars I would!
Summary: MonsterDating sucks!
Detail: A month ago I heard about the online dating app, MonsterDating. Naturally I was excited, how often do companies provide social systems for people like me? I may not be Jeffrey Daumer or Ted Bundy, but I take pride in the nine bodies I've buried in fields across the state. I'm a monster and proud!
Since I started my murders, I've wanted to meet someone else like me, someone to whom I could share my deeds. Pleased with MonsterDating's app description and YouTube video, I installed the app, filled out my biography, chose one of the cartoony monster faces, and paid $49.99 to list my account.
While I eagerly I waited for the first response I scanned the biographies of other monsters. I thought it strange that people listed themselves as vampires, ghosts, werewolves, golems, mummies, and slime creatures. I chalked it up to some kind of online dating jargon. Eventually I caved in to what I thought was a goofy theme and added that I was a shadow creature to my biography.
The next day a woman contacted me through your service. She said her name was Emilia and that she was a vampire. Her story came across a bit deranged, she claimed her mother bathed her in human blood in order to grant her eternal beauty, which transformed her into the undead. I asked her how many people she had killed herself and she claimed to have killed scores in her lifetime.
I was pleased that she did not drink the blood, merely bathed in it to extend her life and beauty. I might be a serial murderer, but I'm also a vegan. Eating blood or flesh is disgusting. She thought that my vegan nature was cute, as the fact that I didn't claim any supernatural powers. Again, she came across as deranged but I chalked it up to a bit of mutual insanity.
After a week of chatting online, we decided to meet at a coffee shop. She was lovely, no man or woman in the store could keep their eyes of her. We talked and she was very pleasant. Alas, I could sense that unlike me, Emilia wasn't a monster. She lacked the emptiness I sense in myself, that existed in Daumer and Bundy, that can only be filled with murder.
As soon as I realized that she wasn't monstrous, she had to die. I couldn't risk her exposing me.
I invited her to the hotel room I had rented for the evening. She accepted my invitation without a moment's hesitation. That made me think she was dangerously stupid.
How wrong I was!
As soon as the door closed behind us I knifed Emilia. I stabbed her a dozen times. And she laughed!
It wasn't the cry of pain, or mockery. No, it was the laughter of a woman who was delighted. Emilia hugged me and told me that she in love with me. She said she had known I was the "one" the moment she had read my biography. All the while she told me this I stabbed her again and again. But stabbing Emilia does nothing, she is undead.
I tried to run away but she was too fast and strong. She grew scared then and grabbed me. She grew wings and flew me to one of her mansions in the Hollywood Hills. Since then she has given me everything I want except for my freedom. She is afraid I will leave her, so I am a prisoner. Even the murders I commit now are done on people she brings in for my "entertainment".
You can't imagine how powerless I feel murdering someone provided to me like a bowl of dogfood. It's so unfair!
My current plight I blame entirely on the MonsterDating app. It doesn't explain what it means by "monsters", meaning serial murderers like me could end with the romantic undead.
Last words: MonsterDating sucks!