Chicken Watch of Death

"Chicken Watch 2019!" Keith and Chris Reinacher shouted at the top of their lungs, right into the lens the camera. Zach pulled the camera back, not so far that the hanging microphone Eugene held would be in the shot, but far enough that the jig Keith and Chris were dancing would be captured.

"And...cut!" shouted Ned. "That shot was a keeper. Next scene!"

"This place stinks," Eugene said, trying not to scowl with his handsome face. "Why did we have to come to a chicken farm anyway?"

"It's funny!" Keith said. "Time for us to go to the source!"

"It's going to be funny watching you try to hide in a flock of chickens wearing chicken costumes," Zach said. "We'll play documentary music and make nature-style commentary about your idiot activities."

"Speaking of which, let's go change," Chris Reinacher said.

Ned handed Keith and Chris Reinacher their chicken costumes. They changed in the open, next to the massive chicken coop, the only witnesses the other members of the Try Guys.

"Other members?" Eugene said. "Chris Reinacher is a guest today, he's not a member of the Try Guys. If you're going to narrate this, get the roles right."

Ahem. Let me try again...

Keith and Chris Reinacher changed in the open, the only witnesses being Ned, Eugene, and Zach of the Try Guys.

"Why am I the last Try Guy?" Zach asked. "I'm the leader of the Try Guys, I should be first. This narrator sucks!"

"Can we just please get on with the shoot," Ned said. "I miss Ariel and Wesley."

"We're in our chicken suits. Take some video while Chris and I pose in quirky positions," Keith said.

The banter stopped for a few minutes while professionalism took over.

"Let's go in," Ned said once they were happy with the shot. He walked over to the chicken coop's doors and flung it open. The four Try Guys (and Chris Reinacher) walked in and the doors closed behind them.

"That's better," Eugene said. "Don't mess up the narration of Chris' role with our group in this story again."

"It's really dark in here," Keith said, interrupting Eugene's unnecessary commentary about an otherwise excellent narration..

"And it stinks too," Eugene said. "Just like the narrator."

"Focus, Eugene," Ned said.

"I found a light switch!" Zach said. Something clicked by his voice and fluorescent lights flickered on revealing a giant room the size of a football field. It was full of chickens, thousands of them. Each and every fowl not just staring but glowering at the five friends.

"Um... shouldn't they be afraid of us?" Zach asked. "I thought chickens were...you know...chicken."

"Quick, say that again and get it on camera!" Ned ordered. They replayed Zach's funny comment, making sure to frame the angry-looking chickens in the background.

"Alright, Keith and Chris Reinacher, go over there and mingle with the chickens," Ned said. "When they get complacent, you'll shout 'Chicken Watch 2019' and scare them away."

"Righty-O!" Keith said. He and Chris walked up to the chickens, but the birds didn't move to accommodate them. No, the fowl stood in one place, glaring at the remaining Try Guys.

"We're not the remaining Try Guys because Chris Reinacher is a guest," Eugene said, growling his disdain.

Chris Reinacher cleared his throat. "Ahem... not to distract from Eugene arguing with the narrator of this story about me being a guest or a Try Guy, but don't you think the behavior of these chickens is kind of weird?" He asked.

"It is kind of weird," Ned said. "But I'll scare them off."

Ned ran forward with the speed of a soccer player. Or rather, a defensive soccer player. Anyway, he was pretty fast. He ran up to a chicken and kicked it. Not a punishing kick, but a tap to get the chicken to move.

That was a mistake.

You see, today wasn't just any day, it was Friday the 13th. That made it the worst day imaginable for anyone involved in Chicken Watch to visit a chicken coop. Today was the day the chickens would have their revenge.

"What the fuck is this?" cried Zach as Ned was suddenly covered by a wave of fowl-feathered birds. He barely had a chance to scream before he was pecked to death. Blood sprayed everywhere, splattering the other Try Guys.

"Chris Reinacher isn't a Try Guy!" Eugene shouted. "And your stupid narration just got blood all over my shirt."

"And it's not even real blood," Zach said, tasting a splatter on his shirt. "It's ketchup."

While Eugene and Zach argued with the narrator, they were overwhelmed by a mob of chickens. They too were pecked into a splattering mess of ketchup... err... blood that sprayed everywhere.

"Fuck," Chris Reinacher whispered. "That was terrible. But why are we still alive?"

"It's the chicken suits," Keith said. "The chickens must think we are members of the flock."

Chris Reinacher looked at all the ketchup splattered on the ground. "Can we escape, or will us opening the door give us away?"

"There's only one thing to do," Keith said. He looked Chris Reinacher in the eyes and whispered, "We must avenge the other Try Guys."

Oh, it's fine when Keith uses Try Guys ambiguously but when me, the narrator, does it then people grumble? Well... screw you!

Just because of that, the chickens started to look in askance at Chris Reinacher and Keith. After all, their chicken suits had been designed more for humor than for camouflage.

"With vengeance on our mind, a thousand murderous chickens, and a sucky narrator, there's only one thing we can do," Chris Reinacher. "Right, Keith?"

"Right, Chris," Keith said, with death in his eyes.

As the chickens gathered around Chris and Keith for the final pecking, the two old friends turned to face the gathered fowl. The two living humans barred their teeth, which twisted their faces into carnivorous smiles.

The chickens stopped and clucked in fear. A long, tense moment passed.

"Chicken Watch 2019!" Keith and Chris shouted and leapt for the kill.

Last Updated: 9/10/2018, 5:03:51 AM